the tale of the beauty rush killer

At Santa Rita Experimental Range, our group stayed in three separate houses. The students all stayed in the newly remodeled bunk house (which is what I stayed in two years ago), our PI/instructor stayed in his own cabin up the hill (which had muddy bear claw prints stamped across the door...on the INSIDE), and the TAs plus myself all stayed in a decaying cabin next to the bunk house called Martin House. It was composed of a living room with a tiny kitchen attached to the side of it, one bathroom, a large bedroom, and a split bedroom that included a sun porch. Jen called the single bedroom, leaving Scott and I to squabble over who got the sun porch and who got the actual room. In the end, I convinced him to sleep in the sun room because a) it was absolutely full of spiders and b) he was the noob on the course. I definitely got the longer stick in this case, considering that his blanket of spiders was incredibly creepy to me ("If my face gets chewed off by spiders tonight, I'm going to be really upset" - direct quote) and also his room flooded with sunlight at 5 AM every morning.

As we were unpacking that first night, Jen discovered something terrifying in her room. She was opening the drawers of the dresser stationed in her room, looking for someplace to hide her flask, when she found a truly creepy combination of items.



A SKI MASK AND LIP STICK. WHAT?????

Immediately we began concocting all sort of horror story scenarios. We were absolutely sure that the mask belonged to a serial killer who put lipstick/lip gloss/chapstick on his victims before he murdered them. We then had to decide what to do with our newfound knowledge. It was a heavy burden, realizing that there was a serial killer loose in Madera Canyon and he was most likely coming back to reclaim his lost items.



At first Jen just wanted to throw it all away, but I retrieved the items from the trash and instead hung the mask on the doorknob with the lip gloss stored safely inside. We decided that this way the serial killer could see that the mask was conveniently placed outside of the house, making it so he didn't actually have to enter our abode and kill us all. Or rather, Jen and I, because Scott told us that there's a guy "kill code" stating that guys can't kill other guys in serial killer movies. So just Jen and I would be murdered.

The rest of the night was spent giggling and making up ridiculous/awesome scenarios with our serial killer friend. The lip gloss found with the ski mask was Beauty Rush brand, and I innocently remarked that I had the same color at home. Immediately Jen and Scott gasped and both stated that I had to fucked myself over and I was gonna die. We dubbed him the Beauty Rush Killer that very moment.



He creeps into women's rooms at night and shushes them as he lovingly puts lipstick/lip gloss/chapstick (we really couldn't decide) on their lips. Scott did a really great/terrifying impression of him going, "Shshsh, not gonna hurt ya". Thinking about it now makes me laugh really hard, I wish I had recorded it. That night was really windy and the windowpanes right by my bed were slamming against the wall since they weren't bolted down. Basically it was the worst night ever to have just found a ski mask and lipstick in the next room over and to have discussed serial killers for the past several hours. So we kind of freaked out a little and kept giggling nervously as we tried not to really think about serial killers, even though it was hilarious and scary all in one. Lots of shshshing and talking about PVC-pipe contraptions that could put chapstick on someone through a window later, we finally fell asleep despite the loud bangings of the window and our giggle-fits.

Scott promised that there was only a 87% chance that he would try to scare Jen and I that night.



And it happened several more times after that. He also scratched at Jen's door a lot.

Best roommate ever.

We also decided that the Beauty Rush Killer had probably buried his previous victims underneath our kitchen because the kitchen smells RANCID. It was a combination of rotten eggs, methane, and in general DEATH every time I had to cook something in that room.

Jen has a bunch of pictures of us freaking out over the mask and lipstick, putting it on the door, and creeping on each other which I may post when she gives them to me. SO FUNNY

i want to believe

My life has been consumed by X-Files.

And these beautiful people.



As much as I'm in love with Mulder, I still want him to be only with Scully. I've become a fangirl.







Damn, boy

i'm sick and at work

...and also I still have no pictures to make other posts with so I'll probably end up drawing out ridiculous comics about everything. People like that right?

Are you mad at anyone right now?
Not really. Well, maybe one person.

Who was the last person you took a picture with?
I took pictures with Elyse yesterday at the Pride Parade. Which was so fun, by the way!

Are you wearing a ring, if so who gave it to you?
I usually don't wear rings just because a lot of rings don't fit any finger but my ring finger on my left hand, and that sort of creeps me out so I usually avoid rings altogether. Unless it's my skull ring that I wear in October. That one I purchased with Alice and Gillian.

Do you like the dentist?
No. But my parents still schedule appointments for me (because I'm an adult) so I go twice a year.

Do you have trust issues?
No. I will trust anyone and everything.

What is bothering you?
A boy. Also money issues because I'm not sure if I'll have my lab job or not in the fall and the fact that I know people who have been looking for jobs for months is making me antsy.

Is it okay for someone you’re dating to date someone else?
Um no.

What is the newest addition to your wardrobe?
I bought a skirt for a dollar yesterday that has POCKETS and I'm never going back.

What color shirt were you wearing when you had your last kiss?
Purple?

Will your ex read this?
I have no exes, thus...probably.

Does it bother you when people respond to a text with one word?
Only when I'm trying to strike up a conversation when I'm bored.
Me: Hey how are you? I haven't seen you in forever, we should hang out! I saw a moose the other day, so cool. I love the ocean. What's up?
Someone: Sure.

And then I weep.

Who do you have texts from in your inbox today?
Maddie, Natal, and Gabe

What are you listening to?
The printer

What are you wearing?
Dark wash jean shorts, flip flops, and a grey tank top with purple and blue flowers on it. Word.

Do you have someone who is protective of you?
Yes. Maybe. idk.

Who’s the last person you facebook IMed?
Probably Maddie because I like to beguile her with pointless tales and updates on my emotions pertaining to either X-files or just life. Generally.

It’s 1 in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
Any of my friends, but most likely Maddie.

Have you ever kissed someone whose name started with a C?
Hahhahaha yes

Let’s say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?
It wouldn't matter to me.

Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed?
Yeah.

What’d your first text of the day say?
What does the sign say?

Do you like who you are?
For the most part. I'm always striving to make it better

Do you hate it when people try to play with your hair?
I don't hate it, but I have a really tender head so I prefer it if only I touch my hair unless I have prepared to have my hair done by someone else.

Would you ever get a tattoo?
I've debated it. I'm not sure yet though.

Are you sober?
Yeah, I started drinking last night and immediately had to throw up so I'm going to be sober until this weird illness goes away.

Is there anyone you trust 100%?
Yes :)

Have you ever fallen asleep with the last person you kissed?
Probably?

Is the person you last texted single?
Yes.

What color is your favorite bra?
Hot pink with flowers on it. Sexay.

Have you ever been used?
Yes.

What do you think of red lipstick?
I like it for extravagant things, but I'm not really a lipstick wearing person.

Do you ever leave the house without make up?
Pretty much always.

What is your natural hair color?
Brown

Has anyone ever sung to you?
My life is a musical.

When was the last time you spent the night at someone else’s place?
I spent the night at my old apartment a week ago, and now I've moved back into my parents' place, and I was living in Arizona temporarily before that, so I'm not really sure how to answer this question.

Was that someone of the same or opposite sex?
Both.

Do you feel like anyone is playing mind games with you right now?
No.

You’re thinking about someone, aren’t you?
Of course I'm thinking about someone.

Describe your last disappointment:
I built up what I thought was going to happen between myself and the guy I like and it didn't happen (obviously, because my fantasy was ridiculous). But it was still disappointing to me.

Which do you think is a gesture of true love: fighting for somebody or letting them go?
Fighting.

What are/were you doing at twelve this afternoon?
It's only 11:50. And I'm at work pretending to read papers, but really I'm doing this. I'm a failure at life today.

If you had to be a teacher, what subject would you be able to teach best?
Biology or English probably. Or art, haha.

Do you ever bite your lip?
I bite my lower lip A LOT when I'm concentrating or bored.

How do you feel about Diet Dr Pepper?
Hate diet soda. I believe in small amounts of real soda or soda with cane sugar. Or not at all.

Are you wearing a necklace?
Nope.

Do you like to sleep?
I hate sleeping. Just kidding, I love it.

What is the closest thing to you that is blue?
Flowers on my shirt. I promise I'm not super obsessed with flowers or anything.

Do you listen to music when you’re down?
I listen to wistful slow songs about lost love and shit. Like Red Hot Chile Peppers.

Do you want to see somebody right now?
Yes.

Will you be in a relationship any time soon?
Hahahaahhahhaha

Do you cry easily?
I cry REALLY easily.

What are you looking forward to in the next three months?
21st birthday!!!!!

Has any one said they love you in the last week?
Yes.

Have you ever thrown your cell phone in anger?
Yeah, but I always throw it onto something soft, like my bed, so that it won't break.

Do you act differently around the person you like?
No, which is the best part about it.

Have you ever kissed someone with tattoos?
No.

Who was the first person to text you on your birthday?
I don't remember, it was almost a year ago.

Are you tired?
Yeah, I'm sick so all I want to do is go back to bed.

Do you think things will change in the next few months?
I don't know. I might have to start looking for a new job, I'll try to move out of my parents' basement...so probably yes. Hopefully for the better though.

What were you doing at 1 AM this morning?
I was sleeping. Hardcore!

Do you have an older brother? I have two.
No, only a younger brother.

Is there anyone you can go to when you need help?
I go to my graduate student in the lab or my parents. I also ask advice of all my friends, especially Natal.

Will your next kiss be a mistake?
Probably.

Have you physically hurt the last person you kissed?
I don't think so, but I am fairly violent.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months or more?
I think probably so.

Ever been called baby?
Yeah.

Are you a loud person?
Hahaha yeah, especially when I get really excited.

Are you ticklish?
REALLY ticklish, especially my knees.

the tale of the elegant trogan

It was nearing the end of our two week venture, and our stay at the Santa Rita Experimental Range. As I've said before (numerous times, I bet everyone's sick of hearing about it), SRER is located in Florida Canyon, which is just next door to the more well-known Madera Canyon. Madera Canyon is especially popular for its hosting of one particular bird: the Elegant Trogan.



These birds are found in Mexico, but a few of them make their way up into Madera Canyon to nest in the spring. Birders from around the world come to Madera Canyon to see the Elegant Trogan, and it's considered a "lifer" if you see it (aka a bird that one can put on their life list that is a major accomplishment for a birder). Even though they are not altogether rare in their native land of South American, they're a big deal to see here in the United States, and many hardcore birders make pilgrimages to Madera Canyon just to see one.

The morning of our last data collection outing, Jen (one of the other TAs) had gone on a hike to see the nesting area of one known male Elegant Trogan that was in the area. She climbed a mile up steep, rocky terrain to find him perched on top of a dead stump, perfectly situated for pictures. She'd luckily brought along her nice camera, so she took several photos before a dumbass from South Dakota screamed to his wife that he had found the bird, prompting it to take off. I was absolutely astounded when she told me later that she had seen the Elegant Trogan. It's a prize for any birder, a sign that one is serious about the sport and almost like star power in Mario: it makes you invincible. Just kidding, I'm overreacting, but it is really cool and many hardcore birders will get pissed if you joke about something as serious as seeing an Elegant Trogan if you have never actually seen one before (I learned this the hard way two years ago when I jokingly told two psycho birders that I'd seen an Elegant Trogan in the tree I was looking at. They berated me and stared me down icily when they discovered it was just a Brown Crested Flycatcher). I was determined to also see the Elegant Trogan while I was in Arizona.

The next morning I opted to sleep in instead of wake up with the rest of the group and hike up the mountain. I felt a little angry with myself for doing that, especially when I found out that all ten of my compatriots had seen the male and female just ten minutes up the canyon. I begged Scott (the other TA) to take me the next morning (he basically had to drive me everywhere because I can't drive the school vans until I'm 21, thus making me feel like an infant or an incredibly elderly person). He agreed. Unfortunately, that night we stayed up until midnight drinking beers, so we literally felt like we were dying the next morning as we dragged ourselves out of bed at five AM. Scott muttered something about setting Jen's laptop (whose desktop background was her picture of the Trogan) on a stump in order to placate me so we could pretend that we'd seen the Trogan and instead go back to bed. We did eventually get out to the van and we made our way to Madera Canyon.

Twenty minutes later, we were hiking up the trail with the directions Jen had given us implanted fuzzily in our minds ("Go up straight for about a mile, but at some point the trail will take a hard left...but don't go up that way, just keep going straight. You're going to see a couple of big rocks, but not BIG, BIG rocks, so don't waste your time until you see this HUGE rock and that is the one that the Trogan is nesting by. Oh don't worry, you'll find it.") We hiked in silence until, about half a mile up, we saw a group of old men gathered around a grizzly, bearded fellow with an Indiana Jones hat on. This was clearly the old men's birding guide, and they were also looking for the Trogan. For a moment we stopped, sure that the reason the group in front of us had stopped was because they'd seen the Trogan. Our hopes that our hike had been cut short were shot, however, because they had simply stopped to rest. We continued on.

I struggled up the remaining mile (I am embarrassingly out of shape, at the moment) and finally we reached what looked like the large rock Jen had told us about. We examined every stump we could find around it, hoping to see where the female might have built her nest. We could not find it. Suddenly, we heard what sounded like the distant bark of a toy poodle up the canyon. It was the Trogan. Scott and I glanced at each other, wondering if we should hike up the canyon or if we should stay put. The Trogan call sounded again, farther away this time.

For two minutes, I was the most upset girl in the world. I was angry with myself for not having gotten up the previous morning to see the Trogan with everybody else, and for having gotten up so early this particular morning for what seemed like nothing. We sat down, hoping that maybe the Trogan would return to his nest. The group of older men joined us at this point, their guide informing us that it sounded like the Trogan was getting closer. Just as we struck up a small conversation with them about our field work, the male flew into view.



They are amazingly colored. Males have a bright, cherry-red breast with a small white line separating the upper and lower halves. Their backs are a deep evergreen, and their beaks are bright yellow. They look really Christmasy. The bottoms of their tails have a really cool barring pattern. Basically it was amazing. He gave us a spectacular frontal view for a brief few seconds and then swooped to his nesting cavity (which we'd totally missed in our previous search) and then spent a couple of minutes calling for any females in the surrounding area to join him at his bachelor pad. My favorite moment was when he popped into his cavity so he was out of sight, but he kept calling to his lady friends. It made it sound like his call was echoing. The persistence of his calls worked for a second, a female swooped into join him. She was tan instead of the deep emerald of the male, and only stayed for a minute before rejecting him to find another male. After this, he stopped calling so persistently and instead flew to a branch in a tree just below his cavity. He stayed there for the rest of our time in the upper reaches of the canyon, allowing us to drink in his presence. One of the old men, clearly bursting with happiness, said that he was full of pride at having the will to continue his hike, despite his desire to turn back due to fatigue, so that he could see the Elegant Trogan. Scott and I were both touched by this and kept talking about how cute the old men were and how we wanted to take them home. They were all so adorable and excited about seeing the Trogan. The guide shared interesting information with us (though I'm having trouble remembering what exactly it was...) and kept calling the Trogan the Trog-awn. It was strange.

Eventually, it had been twenty minutes and the Trogan was still there. The guide said, "It's a good day when you can turn your back on a Trogan", which we did and started to hike back down the canyon. I'm so glad we got to see it, it was an amazing experience. Plus, it's cool to have done something at age twenty that some people wait their entire lives to do. I'm really grateful that Scott took the time to take me to see the Trogan, because even though he claims it's just so he can rub it in one of our other grad student's faces (which is also probably true), I know he also did it to make me happy.



I have other stories to share from Arizona, specifically two other larger tales and then a post full of short stores/comics. I'm still waiting on pictures for those, however, so in the meantime I will ruin it all by saying that I spent all day today analyzing the data I was collecting in Arizona and, unfortunately, it looks like nothing significant is going on. So that means it is probably not publishable. We'll do one last test to see if we can glean something from it, but mostly it is just not enough data. I'm not sorry though, I still learned a ton about field work, science, and myself. I changed in Arizona, not a lot, but enough. And I hope that it won't dissipate.

thoughts

The stress in my life right now is getting to a point where I know it's going to flatline and I'll become normal again. Or as normal as I'll ever be. In the past week upon returning home from Arizona, I've had to attend my brother's baptism/confirmation, start packing so that I can move into my parents' house for the summer (to save on money and to escape my roommate situation), begin working in the lab again and figure out what hours go into one project and what hours are poured into another project, and try to also have a social life as well. I felt so busy and overwhelmed that I cancelled all plans I had for last night just so I could sit by myself in my room.

But when I was eventually alone, I was actually really lonely. I thought I would relish my time sitting in my room (considering I'll be leaving it in a few short days) where I could watch whatever I wanted on Netflix and either write, draw, or just mull. Well, I might not want to mull considering that things I continuously mull over, which right now just make me heartsick. I discovered that I would rather be in the company of others doing any of those things. So even though being alone can, now and again, be rather peaceful and needed, I've found that lately it's better for me to be around people. Because I love people and think that they are all pretty great, for the most part.

Tonight was one of my best friend's bachelorette party, and although it was not as rowdy as some of them get, it was still rather fun. We ate delicious food, played fun games, and I brought "mocktails" (no alcohol allowed) like shirley temples and screwdrivers. All in all, it was a fun night. Tomorrow I'm going out to see The Hangover Part Two with both old friends and new friends. I'm also moving out a majority of my stuff tomorrow to (hopefully) storage and my parents' house. I'm currently stressing over whether I should give the guy I like a little inside joke gift before he leaves for the Philippines for the entire summer.

Basically I just have a really good (albeit anxiety-driven) life right now. And I should always remember that.

Summery things I'm excited for



swimming



sundresses every day



iced tea



watermelon



outdoor concert series



being outdoors



So excited. What I'm working on right now is making myself realize that being skinny will not solve all of my life problems. Though right now, social media and human pressure is certainly trying to tell me that it will.

[p.s. I stole all pictures in this post from weheartit.com]

arizona

I have love for a lot of different habitats. As I've stated before, I am in love with the ocean. I also love forests because I am, indeed, a child of the woods.



But there is something about the desert. I adore the hues of orange and red, the plants that can survive based on elaborate and elegant water-gathering systems, the hazy heat, and the surprisingly colorful fauna that can be found in the sagebrush.





I love the desert. I throw around the word "love" a lot, but that's only because I really am in love with so many things. I am incredibly passionate about so many things, and the desert is definitely one of them. I went on an advanced field ornithology course that travelled down to Madera Canyon, a mecca for migrating birds located just 50 miles north of the Mexican border, two years ago. It was there that I truly fell in love with Arizona and the beautiful Sonoran Desert. I live in Utah, which is home of many different deserts, and it's ironic that I had to travel elsewhere to appreciate what I have here. Not only to I have access to the amazing deserts of Southern Utah, I also can frolic in the woods anytime I like, considering I live at the base of an immense range of mountains.

I tagged along with the same field course this year, though this time it was not as a student. I did my own independent research project, which put me on par with the graduate students TAing the course. Since one of the TAs had to stay behind due to Pneumonia, I became (essentially) the third TA for the course (though with half as much work). The first time I took this course, I learned a lot about birds. I learned how to locate them with binoculars, how to identify their calls, how to correctly ID them, and simple research collection techniques in the field. I made friends, I came out of my shell a little, and I fell more in love with birds. This time around, I learned more, both about birds and myself.

The discovered that I love field work. Before leaving for the trip, I had a somewhat romantic idea of what field work would be. It would involve long days going on epic adventures, exploring beautiful habitats where birds were easily visible, and data would be collected like nobody's business. I had dreams where my PI was just blown away by how competent I was at collecting data. Unfortunately, this is not exactly the truth. Field work is hard work. INCREDIBLY HARD WORK. There were days where I got dehydrated. I almost got heat stroke one particular day and then burst into tears. I got hideously sunburnt. I got up at four AM and went to bed at eleven PM, if I was lucky. I spent hours scouring the desert and sometimes found absolutely no data. It got to the point where my PI would make comments to the graduate students about how I was making little to no progress, who would then relay this to me, which would then horrendously depress me. Basically, there were was a rather large rough patch at the beginning of the course. I had a long tearful talk with the graduate students where they convinced me that I should be more assertive and say what I wanted. So I did just that. And since then I have been a lot happier (though still rather stressed). It was after this point, where I sat down with my PI and told him what I needed to do and what I wanted to do, that I started getting real data. I started having more fun. I was elated.

Now onto the awesome part of field work. Being out in the desert (or field in general, I suppose) is just a wholesome experience. I didn't wear makeup, I didn't shower, I didn't brush my hair for several days, and I still felt great. It's because no one cares. One of my friends has a shirt that says "I'm not a lesbian, I'm a field biologist!", which describes my situation perfectly. I still felt healthy and beautiful despite the absence of my usual day crutches, like concealer and shampoo. Days were spent collecting data, hanging out with friends, and, if there was nothing else to do, hiking. There was limited access to internet, so if there was down time that wasn't spent napping it was spent hiking the many trails littered around our experimental station.

Our usual schedule involved getting up at 4-5 AM (depending on that day's scheduled outing), eating breakfast (or not), driving/jamming/talking, birding/collecting data for 8-9 hours, driving/jamming/talking, and then arriving back at the research station where we made dinner, hung out for awhile, and then returned to our special TA house and drank beer. Basically, it was amazing.



I caught a lot of lizards. I also got hurt trying to catch a lot of lizards.

















Ocotillo is my favorite desert plant.

I'm in love with field work, I'm in love with Santa Rita Experimental Station, I'm in love with the desert. It actually made me really sad to come back home from that, since I was so happy. But I just have to remember the good times while I'm struggling through my stress (which is starting to diminish!). I just have to remember how in love I was with everything.

Also I just want to leave you guys with this

early bird

Yesterday morning I woke up early so that Lisa and I could study before we tried to catch Roxy's Gourmet Grilled Cheese from The Great Food Truck Race. I'm amazed by how much goes on in the morning. My eclectic neighbors (who I'll write a post about soon, because I have a lot of weird neighbors) were out doing their thing, and there were dozens of birds in full activity mode. Things I saw included:



Two starlings engage in a territorial squabble.



A group of pigeons eating bread from an old man's hands.



A house sparrow claiming his branch on his tree in an extremely manly way. By singing.



A lone robin hunting for worms in the dew-soaked grass.

Birds are so amazing. Even though there's been a ridiculous amount of stress, depression, and tension in my life lately, I really am excited to go to Arizona. Even though I'll be doing a lot of work on this project, it will also be intermixed with play. We'll bird, hike, take gelato breaks, watch the sunset from the porch of the research station, sit by the river (and feel complete, if you want to go there), make campfires, bird some more, and make fun of the crazy birders who become enraged when you pretend like you've seen an Elegant Trogan before they have.