In the meantime, I'm going to complain about how tired and depressed I've been since returning from the ocean. It's not surprising, this happens every time I leave, but it's still disconcerting that I am so quick to revert back to my unrefreshed, pre-Spring Break status. It has to do with several things: my own feelings, my job, classes, the amount of work that needs to be done for the former, and my inability to change. I've been trying to change a few things about myself that I felt like I was accomplishing for awhile. However, I realize now that I was just ignoring primal instincts born into me by my genetics and I don't like that. Some things are back now, and maybe even worse than before.
I hate that. I dislike things overcoming my willpower so easily. I especially dislike how I've been feeling as of late (and by as of late, I mean as of yesterday and today. Spring Break was completely amazing, though in a different way than last year). I just don't like myself today.
I'm not a quitter though. I do not give up easily if it's something I know I can continue to work on, so I'll do just that. Even though it will be hard, I realize now that I can't just shove it away. I need to confront it and TAME it. So that's what I'll try to do. It's like New Year's Resolutions all over again, but I suppose I needed a reminder. I need to be the lion-hearted girl I promised I would be at the start of this year. Now that it's spring, my mood will automatically begin to lighten with the sun, which is a good start. I just need to boost that with my own willpower.
Sorry for this incredibly boring post, I just needed to write down some of my feelings and reassure myself that I can keep going with school and work and I can become a better person than I am today.
I want to go back to feeling this good.
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