ring in the new year

It is now January 2 aka high time to write about my amazing New Year's Eve and what this past year has been like. Some of it's good, some of it's bad, and I realize I need to put in a lot of work in 2012 to be happier and less scared of everything (especially since graduation is coming up). So here's what's up with 2011.

In 2011 I:
-tried to be more outgoing and less afraid of meeting new people (worked in some cases, not in others)
-turned 21
-went to my beach house for the first time in five years TWICE and loved every. single. second of it.
-developed my photography and photoshop skills
-moved out of my apartment and back in with my parents
-fell in love
-got rejected, which broke my heart a little bit, but I also survived
-collected data for my own independent project and wrote a paper on my research
-sent in papers for publishing consideration to science journals
-got on the Dean's List both semesters (yay!)
-tried to be a lion hearted girl (once again, worked in some cases, not so much in others)
-attended less football games than I would have liked due to illnesses that also cost me my favorite holiday, unfortunately (good thing it didn't show its face this December)
-started writing again for fiction writing and continued to write
-watched The X-Files (after much prompting from Maddeh) and discovered that I adore it and possibly share a symbiotic relationship with that show
-also discovered my other new favorite show Phineas and Ferb
-read some good books because I joined a book club put together by Megan so that we could be adults and get drunk in a classy way
-participated in my first scientific conference and presented a poster
-went to Disneyland again and had a bombfly time (bombfly was our word of New Year's Eve) and also got GLOW CUBES MOFO
-became a more responsible drinker, learned my limits (sort of)
-tried to be more zen and care less about what people think, which I think I succeeded at. I need to work on it more though.



So I always make resolutions even though I rarely keep them, but instead of resolutions this time I'm going to make goals because goals are important. As I step into my future and enter the "real world", I need some goals to keep my grounded and remind me of my future. For so long I have lived only in the moment to preserve sanity and remain happy and quell anxiety about the future. I've had to accept the hard fact this break that I can no longer do that and need to think about my future. So these are some goals for 2012.

Goals for 2012
-treat my body better. I had a "dressmergency" on New Year's Eve where I tried on the dress that I had planned to wear on New Year's Eve for several months and...it didn't fit. Well it did fit, it just did not look cute. At all. So I'm going to say what I've said before: eat better, exercise. But mostly, just treat my body well. I want to curb emotional eating (ESPECIALLY stress eating) and stop drinking as much soda (even though I love it) and eat smaller portions. I like more vegetables now so I should utilize that. Also I took a break from aerobics last semester and it was definitely a mistake, so I'm going to do that again as well as go to the field house more and maybe even start swimming again (since scuba reminded me how much I love the water. I forget that sometimes in the winter).
-make plans for the future. Utilize the career center, ask for letters of recommendation (and don't be afraid to do so, stop getting intimidated by professors), look up options for the future, apply for graduation and research honors, maybe ask if I can keep my job in the lab for the summer so I can stay here to study for the GRE and play a little.
-GO SEE A THERAPIST and get anxiety medication. Little things don't work anymore, it is very apparent that I have just been squashing all stress down and ignoring it rather than working through it. Shit went down this winter break because it all came to a head and I flipped my shit. It was embarrassing and uncomfortable and I hated it. I know this isn't a very happy "goal", but I really do need something to help me break through this terrible barrier of fear. I wrote in my sketchbook a couple of nights ago that my life is ruled by fear and I hate it. I guess I should at least be proud that I go through with SOME stuff despite being afraid, but overall I'm sick of it and want to at least try medication as I go through this last, extremely stressful stretch of college and future planning.
-like who you are. Lately I haven't liked who I am. It's sad, but true. All this stress, fear, my body image issues, etc. really have compiled into Otter being an upset, stressed out, tired human being. SO I'm going to do things like the two goals mentioned above that involve anxiety medication and exercising more (which both will help with anxiety I think), but I am ALSO going to try my hand at meditating or doing yoga as well as realizing that I do not have to compare myself to other people. Society makes this hard I think, since we are mostly taught to compare ourselves to other people and inevitably you will be out somewhere with your friend and the friend will get complimented on how pretty/skinny/whatever they are while you are left standing awkwardly in silence (happens to me more often than naught). But I'm going to try and stop by both feeling better about myself anyways via aforementioned stress and fat-reducing techniques and by realizing that I am me and no one else when it comes to social situations. I like to be social and I have my group of awesome friends. I am a person who loves to have a small group of best friends verses a huge group of semi-okay friends and that is totally fine. It's okay if I don't want to go to a party and I shouldn't feel obligated to go because I feel like everyone else is partying more than me. It's an unhealthy way to feel I think, so I'm going to work on it.
-go outside, be wild, be free. Hear the call of the wild and answer it.

I wrote this thing last year when I was feeling more vivacious and better about myself, but I still really like it (I changed 2011 to 2012).

My goal in life is to be a lion-hearted girl.
I want to have experiences.
Good or bad, they're still experiences
I want to go on adventures and not be afraid to try new things
Forget regret (stole it)
I want to live in the now but not be so afraid of change that I forget the future
I want to be stronger, faster, smarter so I can be what I can be
I want to be wild and free and not care who knows it because I am beautiful
I am amazing
I'm perfect just the way I am
This is my mantra for 2012 and now and forever



Okay let's continue on to the POSITIVE things in life! I was a wreck two weeks ago, that's true, but this past week has actually been very excellent, albeit busy, and also I had an amazing New Year's Eve! I'll just write about New Year's right now and get to the other stuff in another post (which will be my 100th!)

Our New Year's started with dress shopping, because I wanted to find a sparkly fancy dress for New Year's Eve. First I went over to Raphael's house and hung out with her while she cleaned a little, since we were planning on having a New Year's Eve afterparty at her house. Our friend Shoshi came over and we headed out to Brickyard, which has a selection of stores I thought might have some sparkly stuff. So here's the news: if something has sequins sewn all over it, it will inevitably cost your first-borne child to buy. I had already discovered this at Express just a week before, but I thought maybe I could find something cheaper at these non-department stores. Nope. We went to Kohl's, which was just confusing because there didn't even appear to BE a womens section for awhile. Then we found J-Lo's collection, which did have quite a bit of sequiny stuff, but all of it was 80+ dolla so that wasn't going down. We tried Dress Barn (which turned out to not be a giant warehouse full of dresses and possibly livestock, as I originally thought) and then Ross, where Shoshi and Claire had luck whereas I did not. So the good news is that at least the shopping venture benefited others even though I did not end up finding anything. We went back to Claire's house and Claire and Shoshi got ready there while I ran back to my house to gather my things. My mom ended up pleading with me to do my hair, so I said she could curl it (since she can get the back and I can't and also she probably does a better job). While the curling iron heated, I had my dressmergency and finally resolved to wear the same dress I wore last New Year's Eve, a black cotton sundress from Old Navy that is my rendition of the "little black dress". I paired it with black tights, a gemstone necklace I wore to Prom in high school, and my new pearl earrings I got for Christmas. After my mom curled my hair, I threw on a quarter-sleeve wrap (which was really cute) and my black high heels and high-tailed it to Claire's (Claire and Raphael are the same person, in case you didn't know that. I just realized I reverted back to Claire).

When I got there, I threw my pillow, jim jams, sleeping back, and our bottle of emergency vodka into her room and we went to Shoshi's house to get some dinner. I'd never been to Shoshi's house or met her family, both of which were super cool. Her house was full of color: shawls, bandanas, wall hangings, pillows, furniture...everything was brightly colored just the way I like it. There were also tons of art pieces, pictures, different plants (and cacti!), and fairy lights strung everywhere. I'd like to think they're up all the time, but it might have just been because it was Christmas. I want my house to look like hers does someday, because it was so quirky and cute. Anyways, we made our way inside and I introduced myself before we sat down to a dinner of empanadas and chilli. It was really good food and fun to get to know her family. Her little brother (10) is adorbs. Her sister (who I believe is a freshman or sophomore in college) was also there with her friend, then it was me, Claire, Shoshi, and Shoshi's mom (please excuse my horrific grammer). Her mom was a bit...intimidating at first. She's a literature professor up at the U and is just a bit brusk because that's her personality. I got over it quickly though (see, I can do things that scare me!) and we talked about what we hoped for in the new year and about what we want for our futures. Shoshi's little brother made an amazing speech where he stood on his chair and kept repeating, "And I your greatness comes after HER greatness, that shall come after HER greatness, which shall come after MY greatness", etc. It was so funny, I can't explain it. He was also wearing what looked like a long-sleeved shirt beneath a short-sleeved shirt, but when Shoshi lifted the sleeve of his short-sleeved shirt it was apparent that the "sleeves" were just arm-length. It was hilarious. Then we ate oreo cheesecake communally from the pie tin, passing it around and scooping out spoonfulls (Maia, Shoshi's sister, had an idea that we should eat from it with only our faces, but it was vetoed) and also chocolate-covered expresso beans to pep us up for the evening ahead.

We were having a GREAT time until the actual party guests began to arrive. Shoshi's mom was having her own shindig with distinguished guests such as professors from the U and presidents of various committees and I bet a congressman or two showed up later in the night. Her first guests were a married couple of professors. We were subjected to long stories about their accomplishments in the senate that they thought were hilarious (though no one else thought that).



Finally, I stood up and announced I was going to the restroom just as Claire announced that her brother texted her and we needed to go and Shoshi announced that she was just going to leave. So we made our escape. Claire and I headed to her parents' house to pick up her brother, who was going to come with us but ended up wussing out (I say that, really he said he was drunk or hungover or something else, I'm not really sure) so we left without him BUT with some delicious items for breakfast. Her parents were being really cute and taking Claire's picture (because she had on a fabulous sparkly dress) and me too even though my outfit deffo wasn't as cute as hers. Her dad gave me a firm handshake to give me luck in the new year. It was good times. So at this point it was ten and I wasn't quite sure what Megan and Kristy were up to (whose party I went to last year) so we ended up just commencing the party two hours earlier than we'd intended. But it was the best decision ever, because the party was SO MUCH FUN!

We got back to Claire's house and found that her roommate Mark had invited over a bunch of his friends already, so when we arrived we were like SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS (you know, like this) and we took seven shots in three minutes. Let me repeat that: SEVEN SHOTS IN THREE MINUTES. We had to try every single flavor of drink we'd gotten, you see.



Plus an extra of the pink to wash it all down because that's our favorite. We managed to convince one of Mark's friends, Tyler, to come take shots with us when we got to the rum since he loves rum and then he took some other shots with us too. I overheard someone being like, "Your roommates are crazy" as I tried to combat Claire's cheers for deforestation with conservation and ocean cleanliness. I bet they thought we were cool. They were busy playing picture telephone (which is a HILARIOUS game), which is when Gillian and Mia arrived! At this point I convinced Girr to come with me to the 7-11 (or the Sev, as I call it) so we could get some beer for beer pong. So we headed out into the frosty air, me wearing Mia's combat boots she'd brought over and Claire's fabulous (faux) jaguar fur coat because I only had high heels with me and hadn't brought a coat because I am a fool. The Sev is only a block away, so we got some Pabst and then headed back, passing a group of people along the way and exchanging "HAPPY NEW YEAR'S!" exclamations (as well as them saying "YEAH PBR!"). Once we'd dragged the beer back, we prepared to play Classy Beer Pong (I made it classy by drawing bow-ties on the cups and then writing CLASSY on both the water cups).



The first teams up were Claire and I verses Mia and Tyler. Tyler was damn good at beer pong, definitely better than both Claire and I combined. I got a couple of their cups before there was a long lull where none of us sunk any cups. Then Tyler started kicking ass.



At this point, I was to full-blown loud drunkenness, where I excitedly scream at everyone. At one point someone told their friend (I believe his name was Austin) that I worked at a science lab at the U, which is when I calmed down enough to tell him that I worked with pigeons and their parasites. The only thing I got from his lab is that he cuts open reptiles. I was also to the ADD point of drunkenness, where I halfway listen to things people tell me (even though I asked them about it) and then I have to go do something else VERY QUICKLY. I'm so annoying when I'm drunk I'm sure, but at least I avoided my cat-wolf drunkenness this time (that would have resulted in even more damaged knees, but I'll get to that). At one point Dylan told me that he didn't expect me to suck so much and I flipped him off. I was a little hellion (ish). We lost eventually and so we finished off the cups and I went to take some more shots, trying to force others to take shots with me. At this point it was about twenty minutes until midnight, so some of us gathered in the kitchen to prepare.

Actually, the real reason we were in the kitchen is because I saw this and had to go in and take a picture of it because I thought it was SO HILARIOUS.



LEMONY! In Phineas and Ferb there's this balloon named Balloony that has a TERRIFYING face on it, so Mark drew this face on the lemon juice and we named him LEMONY.

Then we ended up just taking a bunch of pictures.



Claire and Mia



Girr, me, Mark, and Mia taking a shot



We prepped our champagne for the big event of 2012. Don't even worry, I brought over my GLOW CUBE.



Claire making the best face I've ever seen



Another group picture



Girr and I



Jimmy and his brother came over to join in the festivities.

We counted down until midnight and then screamed "HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!" and toasted and drank our champagne. Then we drank quite a bit more champagne.

Celebrations ensued











Tyler wanted to go to the Sev for cigarettes, so Girr and I accompanied him again. He insisted we also bring a sober person, so we also brought Jimmy's brother. We did linksie-ups and walked down to the Sev again. I talked to Jimmy's brother about his future a lot and tried to make him feel better about his recent breakup. Basically I was like a "Dear Abby" the entire night, albeit a very distracted one. Once we arrived back at the house, we found out Alibus had arrived so I immediately asked her how her trip to Colorado went (because she went on a short road trip with her sister and her friends) but then told her "WAIT I HAVE TO GO OUTSIDE WITH TYLER BE RIGHT BACK" and I went outside with Tyler while he smoked, which I used to do with Maddie and it made me miss her :(

Wow I'm telling this story like I am still in my drunken distracted state. Basically, the rest of the night (as far as I can remember) was composed of us all dancing.



We did the wobble, which Shoshi taught us, we danced to 80s music (provided by Gillian), and then we started dancing to music Alice was DJing. The songs I remember dancing to the most were "Party Rock" by LMFAO and "Waka Waka" by Shakira, both were SO MUCH FUNNNN! We all danced a shit ton though, I would sit down for like two seconds to try to talk to Kit or someone and then I would just get up and leave to go dance some more. My poor friends. Dancing is one of my favorite things to do though. Mix drinking and dancing and it is my ULTIMATE favorite thing. Well one of them. We danced and danced and danced. Basically that's the rest of what I remember until I saw that my brother had texted me at like 3 AM to ask if I needed a ride home. I jumped at the chance to sleep in my own bed, since my back gets effed up when I sleep on floors, and so he picked me up at 3:30 after some more dancing. Then I went back home and snuggled into bed.

So that was my New Year's Eve! It was amazing and I got to do everything I love to do: go on drunken adventures (aka on beer/cigarette runs because usually I am not allowed to go out in public due to my previously mentioned cat wolf hybrid version of drunkenness), dancing like mad, drinking, playing beer pong, and hanging out with a lot of my biffles. It was so good <3 (my knees and legs absolutely KILLED the next day, so it was mainly a recovery day with no mention of alcohol or heavy activity. They still hurt today, though less so) Happy new year everyone! May 2012 be an amazing year.