80s night comes only once a week, so it must be celebrated. It's held at a sketchy club that looks like someone took a couple of corrugated cardboard refrigerator boxes and stuck them together with packing tape and it's located in between a homeless shelter and a Java Joe's coffee shack. 80s night itself is held on the upper floor of this club, where there is a large dance floor, multiple stages, and cages to dance in. Smoke machines, rainbow light fixtures, and strobes create an atmosphere of multi-colored mist so thick it's hard to tell where you are in relation with the floor sometimes.
It's the real deal.
I went with my friend Raphael (female, real name Claire, to clear up any confusion) just last week after a couple of months of not attending. I'd forgotten how fun it is. The excitement of dressing up, the excuse to slather on ridiculous amounts of eyeliner and sparkly eyeshadow, and then the actual act of sprinting from your car (which you had to park a mile away in order to avoid the ridiculous costs of parking anywhere near the club) through the frigid night air and then standing in line to pay your cover fee and get your ID scanned as you hear the bass pulse upstairs.
Usually when I dress up for 80s night, I just put on whatever I find first in my closet. This involves combinations of bright colors that should never appear on a human body normally (unless they are trying to attract a mate of an opposite species, such as a tropical fish) and usually spandex of some kind. This particular 80s night I was caught wearing neon purple tights, black hot pants (as Ke$ha and my mother call them), a turquoise tank top, and a hot pink sports bra. Not to brag, but I can rock a side ponytail, so that's the go-to for 80s night action, as well as an incredible amount of gold and purple eyeshadow and seven coats of mascara. Raphael went for the futuristic 80s look with silver leggings, a black off-the-shoulder shirt, and Catwoman-esque eyeliner. While we were watching Aliens (to prepare for our night of 80s), Raphael began to dig some heels out of her closet. This is (more or less) the conversation that took place:
Otter: ...What are you doing?
Raphael: I'm choosing a pair of heels to wear to 80s night.
Otter: Believe me, you do NOT want to wear heels while dancing. You will die.
Raphael: But I live in heels.
Otter: Not at 80s night you don't.
I eventually convinced her to wear some black, converse-like shoes that looked quite 80s anyway. I told her that she would be ecstatic that she had not worn heels when we were an hour into dancing, which she agreed with. 80s night itself is amazing. The only songs played are 80s pop, such as Depeche Mode, Erasure, and Madonna. Favorite songs played last Thursday were "Two of Hearts" by Stacey Q, "Stop" by Erasure, and then "Dance Magic" by David Bowie. I love dancing. The best place to dance at 80s night is on the upper stage, because vents from the ceiling pour in cool air from outside and I feel like there are less creepers on the upper stage.
This brings me to my character study of 80s night. First we have the classic douche and/or popular male.
This composes about 80 percent of the male population that goes to 80s night. These are the guys that wear bright colored muscle shirts, or in the unlucky case of summer, no shirts at all. They usually wear sunglasses inside of the club (which makes no sense, but I have also been known to do the same thing...like last thursday). They come in packs that either have come with their own girls, or they hunt girls collectively. Like wolves. They are all entirely full of themselves and do things like pin girls violently against the wall to make out with them (though usually the girls are willing) and breakdance to Thriller. No real threat unless you're alone and are approached by a group of them. Or if they're shirtless and you accidentally back into one. It's like touching a portable swamp.
Next we have the awkward sidestanders.
They would be harmless if they weren't so damn creepy. They do not wear 80s costumes, which immediately pinpoints them for suspicion. ESPECIALLY among the female population. This does not bode well for them, because they usually only come to 80s night with the thought in their mind that THEY ARE GOING TO GET A GIRLFRIEND. Or maybe hookup, but I feel like mostly they have this idea that they will most definitely find the love of their life. Good for them for going out to a themed night at the club, not in appropriate costume, and then standing awkwardly in the background as everyone else dances around them. ALONE. They never come with friends. They always come alone. Sometimes they make attempts to dance with small groups of girls, and this dancing entails the rumba. And maybe sometimes Cossack dancing.
Now we come to the girls.
First we have about 70 percent of the female population of 80s night (and the only reason that 100% of the male population comes). These girls sometimes dress 80s, and sometimes just try to wear as little clothing as possible. It's hard to tell either way (and either way, it doesn't bother me). They dance in close knit groups, looking around the room distractedly as a song they probably don't know blares in the background. When they make eye contact with a male they fancy, they immediately display interest by doing the awkward "breaking away from their girl group and then slightly dancing toward the male in question, who also breaks away from his group and prances toward her slowly until they are right up on each other" dance. Later on, the two can be found inside of a cage with the aforementioned male grinding on her ass in a syncopated motion. While these girls always at least have SOME sense of rhythm, usually the guy they're dancing with does not, which yields hilariously offbeat grinding.
Next, we have the normals.
These are girls who found out about 80s night on the way home from work or decided that it would be a really fun night to go to. They usually come in groups of five or so girls, none of whom have ever actually been to 80s night. When they arrive in their work clothes or jeans and J-crew V-neck T-shirts, they are a little bit stunned by the amount of color and leg warmers presented to them. They feel a little bit foolish at not dressing up (one of the only environments in which this thought goes through someone's mind first as opposed to the thought that dressing up was a stupid thing to do). These girls often get pretty into it though, and enjoy themselves thoroughly. Sometimes, they leave after an hour, thinking that the night had been pretty fun, but maybe too wild for them. Other times, they stay until 2 A.M., having found their new passion in life.
God I love 80s night.
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