Thursday was another recovery day. After the amount of drinking we did on Wednesday night, we all were far too sick/lazy/sore/a number of other things to move. I was especially lethargic because my gimp knee was acting up and I could only hobble around to do extremely important things like go to the bathroom and make myself snacks. Thursday was the day we had planned to go to Montana de Oro, a beautiful national park that offers amazing tide-pooling, hiking, and (my favorite) dune jumping, but my leg was too injured for me to really participate in any of those activities :( I was sad, but also content to sit and watch TV since I was all of the aforementioned things. This was also a very important day in Cobra Squad history because we discovered our new favorite show.
JERSEY SHORE
Luckily for us, there was a marathon going on because the season 3 finale was going to be on later that night, so we were able to watch it ALL DAY LONG. We all decided that we loved Pauly D and Snooki, Pauly D because he's an idiot and Snooki because she is a genius. Obviously. Hours later, I was feeling a little gross about being in California and not even going outside at least once to look at the ocean, so during a lull in the rain we all went outside and sat on the wall surrounding the patio.
We also tried to go on a little walk on the beach, but it was waaaay too cold and it started raining again, so we went back inside and didn't move again until about 6:30, when we decided we should probably get off our lazy asses and go get dinner before the Farmer's Market in San Luis Obispo. The Farmer's Market has always been a crucial part of our beach house visits. There are open-air stalls that sell fruit vegetables, pins, crafts, honey, etc. as well as stalls that sell food items from local restaurants, such as my personal favorite: McLintocks. San Luis Obispo is also a college town, located right next to Cal Poly, so there are a lot of unique stores and places to check out. Plus sometimes they have DDR or Guitar Hero competitions out on the street, as well as live music. Basically it's just an all around partyrific night, and it happens every Thursday.
We went to Sabetta's Pizza again for dinner because Kristen wanted to try it (she didn't go with us the first night) and we all got delicious cheese pizzas and garlic bread again. During dinner, Harmony (an old friend who used to live next door to the beach house), texted me to let me know that the Farmer's Market has been cancelled due to the weather (it had been pouring all day). I was disappointed, but also a bit relieved because I was a gimp and it was raining. Instead, we headed back to the house to watch some more Jersey Shore and (not surprisingly) drink. This was the night where we danced intensely to Lady Gaga during commercial breaks from Jersey Shore. Maddie did The Charleston to Single Ladies by Beyonce. I grooved to Poker Face. It was amazing. (p.s. alcohol dulled the pain in my knee and also made me make poor choices, which is why I danced so much). At one point Maddie tried to teach me a partner dance, but I get too confused even when I'm sober, so I failed. We went out on the porch again to sit in the rain and talk some more while Maddie smoked and I declared that I must not be drunk enough, because I could still do derivatives in my head. Maddie asked me how to do derivatives. Thus, a drunken math session took place where I taught Maddie how to do simple derivatives and she taught me how to do logarithms. We made a list of rules that one must follow in order to party with us, which included things like speaking in a Russian accent, dancing to Lady Gaga during Jersey Shore commercial breaks, and absolutely NO manta rays allowed.
I broke that rule.
At midnight, we all cheered for Maddie because it was her birthday and she was officially 21!!! We all changed into our jim jams and then hung out on my bed. I had brought along Winnie the Pooh as an assignment for my children's literature class, so I read them some of that before proclaiming that I was exhausted and passing out.
The next day was Maddie's BIRTHDAY! Now able to legally drink! We celebrated by drinking, of course. I got up early (aka eleven) so that I could go to lunch with my friend Harmony (previously mentioned). She picked me up and we had an awesome lunch at a place called Flying Dutchman in Morro Bay. It was really nice to see her, I haven't seen her in three years (which is the last time I went to the beach house with family). At one point while we were waiting for food, we saw a mated pair of pigeons feeding each other. Then they started getting it on. It was ridiculous, but I couldn't look away. Our waitress made fun of us for it, she was really funny.
Once I'd arrived back at the beach house, I went to join Maddie and Claire on the beach, where they were playing crab relocation. This involved digging up sand crabs and then placing them in a different area ten feet away. We figured this would save them from their apparent abusive home lives, drinking problems, and various other maladies. After crab relocation, we walked down to the Cayucos Pier and swung on the swings. It was a beautiful sunny day, the only really "beach" day so far, so we sat and swung and talked for about an hour.
It was so much fun, I love swinging. Once we were done, we walked back down the beach and got in an epic water battle. We were pretending to be waterbenders and started kicking, throwing, and splashing water at each other. By the end of it, we were all soaking, so we went back up to the beach house and had nice, warm showers. Then we found out that we could get a weak internet signal if we sat at the kitchen table. It was chaos. I personally frothed at the mouth and began to internet like a wild beast. Internet here being a verb in my world.
This is when some needless drama went down between Harmony and I. Basically there was miscommunication and she wanted to bring her boyfriend to drink with us for Maddie's birthday but I realized that that's awkward and that he would be bored to death and uncomfortable (I'm sure) in a house full of drunken females and I wasn't about to let her invite her other friends over because we weren't having a huge party at my family's beach house. Also it was Maddie's birthday, so it was her day and her party. It ended in a sort of fight where Harmony got super offended and so I stormed out of the house and marched down to the beach with my friends following in a confused huddle behind me. I just needed to release some steam because I was feeling angry about a lot of things and stupid drama was not something I had wanted to occur over spring break. I walked down the beach and found a large rock to sit on top of so that I could look out over the ocean and fume. Claire joined me and we had a long, calming talk while we watched the sun begin to set over the ocean. By the end of our talk, I felt a lot better, so we headed back to where Maddie was playing crab relocation. We joined her for awhile and then headed back up to the beach house.
Since it was so nice and sunny outside, we decided to sit out on the porch and photosynthesize a bit while drinking Mike's Hard Lemonade.
Maddie can show the label because she's 21!
I started getting tipsy after my second Mike's, even though I had drunk them over two hours. I realized that this was because I was super dehydrated from drinking absolutely no water all day. Everyone forced me to drink water before I was allowed to drink anything else.
After porch time, we decided to start playing DRINKING GAMES! We played King's Cup again where there were some amazing solos. One of our rules was to run outside in the rain if someone cussed, which everyone did but me (because I have mad self control skills). Another rule was that we could not speak in Russian accents, which was SO HARD since we'd been doing it the entire trip, and another was to bark before and after drinking. One of my favorite rules was the Deiter Threeter, where we had to take three drinks instead of just one every time we had to drink. However, it really affected Claire, who got the King's Cup and had to chug it like a champion. This combined with the Deiter Threeter drinks made her sick, so she sat on the floor for a little while, sort of digesting her stomach full of beer. After this, we started in on the rest of the whiskey and vodka.
Once we were good and trashed, we went down to the beach. We actually hit it at low tide, so I ran out to meet the waves. I had this intense connection with the water where I crouched down and hovered above it, whispering sweet nothings. Just kidding...sort of. We walked on the beach a little bit, played the jump over the waves game, and when it was time to leave I cried. Legit tears poured from my eyes. Maddie kept telling me that we needed to go and I would yelp, "NO!" and run back out to sea so they had to call me back. Finally I walked up to the stairs with them and the ocean, which was coming in, travelled with us to the stairs. Maddie said that it was saying goodbye and I was like, "IT DOESN'T WANT ME TO LEAVE!"
We went back to the house and started to do some chores, like laundry and cleaning. These chores were ten times more fun while smashed.
Doing laundry
Making beds
As you can see, we were extremely responsible. Many tickle fights ensued while we were folding and putting away sheets. We decided that we were going to wash sheets this night and then just sleep in the living room so that we could leave early the next morning. After chores, we decided to make the lemons bars we had bought five days previous for Maddie's birthday.
They were delicious. At one point, someone asked if we could drink the wine on top of the fridge. The wine was purchased because it says Norman, which was my Papa's name (who died when I was in 10th grade). I immediately started crying again and saying how grateful I was to have him and my Nana, who had died a few days earlier, in my life. They really have done so much for me. We all wrote them drunken limericks to show our appreciation. I was most definitely a happy crier this night.
It was about one in the morning at this point, and we all decided we should go to bed. One suggestion made was that we continue to drink and then just immediately leave once we were done at about three or four, but we thought better of it. Instead, we all settled down in the living room, put on Prom Night II again, and went to sleep. I slept for three hours and woke up boiling hot. I guess it was from my combined drunkenesss and my sunburn from earlier. I decided it would be a good idea to turn the heat down all the way, which caused everyone else to freeze. Once everyone had woken up, we did a lot of last minute drunken chores, gathered the food and our personal items, and headed out. I was very sad :(
I have a word of advice for everyone. Never binge drink for an entire day, get three hours of sleep, and then go on a fourteen hour road trip. I made myself a little sandwich with cheese and immediately regretted it. I felt a little bit sick and had to pee a little bit, but didn't want to ask to stop so soon, since we had only been on the road for forty minutes. We were passing through a town at the time and I decided I would ask to stop at the next town. Little did I know there was no next town.
WE WERE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE
There was literally NOTHING. I immediately had to pee more than anything at this point and was in physical pain. I felt terrible. Our first hope cropped up when we saw a rest stop about twenty minutes later. However, when we approached it, a worker told us to pass on by because there was no water. FUUUUUUUCK! No other towns or gas stations or rest stops cropped up for the next hour. Another hopeful silhouette rose on the horizon: a gas station loomed in the distance. I almost cried because I was so happy. We approached it and saw that it was broken down and I cried because I had to pee SO MUCH. Plus I was really sick. I decided to hold it a little while longer to see if a town would appear in the next fifteen minutes. Thank God, we rolled through a little migrant town that had a mecca of gas stations at the end of it. I leapt out of the car AS IT WAS MOVING (sort of) and ran like the wind to the bathroom.
I was sick again an hour later, but thankfully we were also nearer to civilization so we were able to stop at a gas station. This gas station was absolutely plastered with booze, which made me sort of want to vomit as I purchased pepto bismol. This is when things started looking up because I felt so much better. The rest of the ride home was fairly uneventful and we got home at a decent hour since we'd left at six. Even though I was sad to leave the beach, it was good to be home. Maddie and I hit up Arby's and then watched Roseanne until I went home and passed out.
Thus ends an amazing spring break.
Thanks Apollo. Epic trip. Epic ending photo to your post. :)
ReplyDeleteEpic ending photo taken by epic Madame President
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